All too early I woke up and walked my mom to the train stop. It was a sad, emotional goodbye. I tried my best not to break down in tears, which was no easy task. My mom was heading straight back to California and I to Vermont. I would not see her again until November when I come home for Thanksgiving break. Emotions flooded my mind making it challenging to say the words I wanted to. Everything came out a jumbled mess and our conversation was a blur. I hardly remember the words exchanged because a pang of loss was all that remained as I hugged her goodbye one last and final time
I'm not much for goodbyes, and today appeared as though it would be full of them. I was painfully reminded of what it is like to be an adult. In just a few more hours I would be returning to Vermont after a summer of bliss. I would be returning to working several jobs, paying the bills, cleaning the apartment, and the never ending list of worrisome tasks adults deal with on a daily basis. Although I have been functioning with these responsibilities for the past few years, this sudden parting revealed my inner girl. Whenever my mom is around, whether I'm 20, 40, or 65, I'll always turn into the little girl growing up that looked up to her mother, always striving to be just like her, and still seeking her support. Trapped in a powerful state of emotion such as this, the best option was to just go back to sleep and forget my worries. The only reason I could justify going back to sleep was because the sun had just barely peeked out from behind the metro station. This would be the last sunrise I would enjoy in Copenhagen. It still took my breath away, the same it had my first time seeing the sun come up, more accurately, the first time staying out until the sun came up.
My second awakening was groggy and slow. I gathered my belongings and prepared for the day ahead. I continued to ignore the bubbling lonely feeling that was bound to resurface. I did this by getting lost in someone else's story. Books are a great way to avoid what is right in front of you and to get lost in the emotions of someone more courageous to take on the day. Some may accuse me of hiding from what's in front of me, I would prefer to call this expanding my vocabulary through literature.
Without my partner in crime, I wasn't sure what to do with my day. There was still so much of Copenhagen I wanted to see and even more that I wanted to share with my mom. Instead of cramming my day full of new adventures, I couldn't help but find comfort in the places I've frequently visited. You guessed it, I went to the Living Room. Afterall, if I'm going to perfectly replicate the now famous goat cheese sandwich back in the States, I might as well have it one last time.
I spent my afternoon and final hours in Copenhagen at the Living Room working on my blog. A sandwich and a smoothie kept me in the groove and I typed with lightening speed. I spent all afternoon diligently writing in the hopes that I would be relatively caught up. Today was not my day. With the click of a button and the horrible mistake of believing my work was saved, I closed out of my document. Within seconds I knew what I had done, erasing at least one day's worth of writing. Steam blew out of my ears. At that point it didn't matter anymore, anything I go could get to fuel my angry fire would suffice. The temperature in the room wasn't right, my hair wasn't falling comfortably, and my shoes were fitting a little to tight. There was a general sense of discomfort which could only be caused by my awful mistake.
There was nothing else I could do at that point except restart all that had been erased. I struggled to remember the details and became so frustrated that I had to get up and leave for the airport. It wasn't an ideal way to leave Copenhagen, but it was all I could do, save having a mental break down in the middle of the Living Room.
With frustration and anger stewing, I attempted to turn the day around through the use of karma. Some days I belive in karma and other days I figure it's a big hoax, but at this point I was willing to invest in any good wishes I could come across. I had two left over bus passes that I would never get the chance to use, so I decided to give them to a random woman I met at the Metro. This didn't bring back my lost blog post, but it sure felt good. My frustration slowly disappeared, well at least most of it.
After making it through security at the airport and down the long hallways to the correct terminal, I found the gate closed. I was in desperate need of an outlet to charge my laptop and phone one last time, so I walked over to the gate next door. I found myself sitting at the Istanbul gate, in the Copenhagen airport, waiting for my flight back to the United States. I was half tempted to extend my trip and sneak onto the Istanbul flight, but remembered my obligations back home. My time in Europe came full circle and it finally sank in that I would be starting my final year of college as a new woman.
We landed in the United States and I already missed Denmark, ready to go back! Studying abroad this summer was the adventure of a lifetime and I have a new perspective of the world because of this experience. It was very strange to land in the states and turn my cell phone on for the first time in two months. Everything I needed was once again at the touch of a button. It is interesting that turning on my phone was one of the first things I did instead of looking around, being thankful for an easy flight, or chatting with my neighbor. When I landed in Denmark I didn't have the same crutch to rely on. I've been slowly easing away from relying on my phone, but it is still so interesting to me that these are the staples in our daily life.
These past two months have enabled me grow and change on several different levels. I have a newfound sense of independence, living, cooking, and surviving on my own. I can safely navigate through the most difficult systems of public transportation. I have observed the impact and influence of cultural differences, while respecting cultural norms. I have opened my heart to the possibility of future relationships.
The brief, but intense feelings I had for Mads opened my eyes to what it was like to deeply care about someone. For the first time in two years since the serious break-up with my high school sweetheart, I was reminded of how it felt to long for someone. A relationship with Mads may not be realistic and it may not be forever, but it was just what I needed to put the peices back together. Nothing is ever broken, it is just waiting to be fixed.
I end this European journey a changed woman immensely thankful for the opportunity to grow culturally and personally. This summer was filled with excitment, anxiety, fears, and happiness. I'm just waiting and hoping for the chance to continue my exploration of this beautiful planet we all too often forget to stop and enjoy.